The Story
Several times in a year I had had dreams that felt more like experiences than dreams. One was a type of initiation that I was being given. I knew it was a spiritual lesson because they would appear in white robes. This time, the teacher took both of his hands and brushed lightly down my arm and off my finger tips. I was instructed to extract essence this way. What does "extract essence" mean I asked. You will know, was his only answer.
Months passed with no clarity. Then one day I began to seriously contemplate the significance of the visions and dreams when I captured the thought: I want my own waking-state sign. Specifically, I would like the sign to be a bird coming inside my house. Satisfied with this tangible request, I took a deep breath and went about my day.
On the morning of the third day, sitting on the inside ledge of my kitchen window sat a beautiful hummingbird. As I approached her my heart was beating so fast that I started chanting softly to calm down. I reached up under her and was startled; I didn't know that hummingbirds fly straight up. After several attempts she sat in my hand completely still. And then it hit me...this is my sign. She turned twice to look me directly in the eyes as I gently stroked her body with one finger from the top of her head to the end of her tail feathers over and over. When I placed her at the ledge of the open window she paused a few seconds or so before taking flight. I stood there for awhile as my mind was trying hard to wrap itself around what had just happened. Was it really my sign? Had the hummingbird surrendered because it was too exhausted to fly? I couldn't stop thinking about it. No matter what the reason, I had just had the most personal experience with this tiny creature and I knew in my heart that it was meaningful.
A couple days before I was perusing the bookstore and came across a book on totems. For some reason I remembered specifically seeing that the hummingbird was known as the "messenger" Minutes after this experience I rushed back to the store looking for the book. Now let's see..... I asked for a sign that a bird come into the house and a bird came and that bird was a hummingbird and the hummingbird is known as the messenger....maybe just coincidence.
From that moment on hummingbird was my totem. It wasn't until the third experience that I trusted without a doubt that yes, this was my sign.
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It was an early fall morning, the grass a knee high blanket of green under the old oak trees. I sat cross-legged on the wood floor of my front porch, deep in meaningful conversation about life with my dearest friend by phone. A hummingbird appeared directly in front of me about 3 feet off the ground, eye to eye, arms distance away. Seemingly motionless she hovered, wings fully extended, staying her gaze. I too sat motionless, hardly breathing, whispering OMG you won't believe this Marisa. I "knew" she was there to interact with me, but what was she wanting me to do? I moved my hand toward her and she shifted in a straight line to my left. I again moved my hand toward her and she returned to center, still only an arms distance away. I took a deep slow breath and whispered, what are you wanting? The third time, ever so slowly gently and with intention to connect with her, I extended my arm forward until I was directly beneath her body. This time she did not move away. She stayed about 2 inches above my hand, imprinting the whir of her wings into my open palm, answering the question for me, "what do you want." Nothing. I came to give you something.
When I am still, the sensation of the imprint she gave me is just as real today. It is a gift that defies my justifications and strengthens my belief in spiritual guidance. I was instructed to extract essence and then given the hummingbird to teach me.
